Mommy and Daddy To Be

Well, I can now count the weeks on my due date on one hand. FIVE! 5 weeks until this baby makes his appearance. And simply because I have neglected to write in my journal in like the past month, for the sake of posterity, I am now going to record my latest and greatest pregnancy complaints.

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First of all, everything hurts. And everything is work. And everything is exhausting. I can't tell you what a trial it is to get in and out of my car but OH MY GOD, running errands fatigues me like nothing else. I pee all the time now. Like I really never stop peeing. Oh, and despite my best efforts to do Kegal exercises, yeah, even after I'm done peeing? And have wiped and pulled up my pants? Sometimes there's MORE PEE. It's shaming, I know.

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My ribcage is literally pressed so high up against my boobs, it's terrifying and I feel like I can never get a deep breath. My calf muscles hurt. And please, please, please don't make me pick up something off the floor. It's hell and requires a good amount of snorting and groaning (as does getting up off the couch or getting out of bed, so basically just general moving requires a lot of noise).

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Also, it really does look like there's a beachball under my shirt. Who knew?! As for LB himself, he is just hanging out, twitching this way and out. The other day I had a conversation with him in a really high-pitched voice (Lucy, of course, thought it was with her and did backflips and hoola-hoop twirls in response). I even addressed him by the name that we have chosen with 95% certainty. And literally, in like 5 seconds after saying his name, THWACK! He kicked me and then proceeded to do his own little interpretive dance, similar to his K9 sister's. It was adorable. And a bit painful.

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As far as emotions go, ooooh boy. There have been a few freak-outs in the last week. On Friday night Adders lost his temper because our hockey team lost in the playoffs. I don't know why he let this bother him so much but he freaked out. Which I thought was grossly unfair since hello! I'm pregnant! I OWN ALL THE FREAK-OUTS. They are reserved for me and me alone. So pretty soon I'm in tears, upset only because he's upset. Needless to say, we are a crazy couple. Then on Sunday night, I literally went postal on the soap dispenser in the kitchen. Like, it got thrown around, I got a wee bit hysterical about it. All at 10pm when NOTHING could be done (the good news is that I the next day I marched into Home Depot and demanded a new one, which I got, courtesy of my sweet pregnant belly, even though the dispenser is like 5 years old!).

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But probably the worst part of the hormones is that I often feel like crying for no reason. Like, I sometimes have this pervasive feeling of sadness. It has nothing to do with the baby, or nothing to do with anything really. I'll just feel sad. Not depressed, not blah, just sad. But it's not crippling or anything. I can easily distract myself and I still also feel happy, excited, nervous, etc. But sometimes I just feel teary. And it's weird.

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Of course, my midwife thinks we're going to have to watch me closely for Post-Partum Depression, which is probably a good idea. Although I've never really experienced any chronic depressino before so who knows? However, I've always been extremely susceptible to my hormones so you never know.

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I read yesterday that husbands can experience their own version of PPD, which made me think of poor Adders. Now, I don't think Adders will actually fall into a depression once LB arrives. If anything, I think he's going to be blown away by how much he loves and enjoys having this baby. Because if Luscious Lucy is any indication, he may talk tough, but Adders is a total mush.

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That being said, I still can't wrap my head around Adders being a dad. I read some horrible cheesy thing the other day by some celebrity who's name I can't recall. Anyhow, I hate insincere sentimentality and/or ickiness. BLECH. So she says some bull shit along the lines of "I never wanted children until I met my husband. And then I knew this man was destined to be a father. BLAH BLAH BLAH THROW UP."

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Now I am not a very touchy-feely person. I can't really say that one of the reasons I fell in love with Adders is because I knew he'd be a good dad. I mean, obviously, I think (HOPE) he'll be a great father but I don't know that for sure. And all that mattered to me when I married him was that he wanted to be a father some day.

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But now as the day of parenthood slowly draws closer, I can't help but wonder what kind of dad he's going to be. I already know that we're going to have to be careful to not fall into the good cop/bad cop routine (where obviously I'm the bad cop just because, well, I am. I'm bitchy and agressive and like order and structure and obedience and peace and quiet). I mean, just because Adders is more laidback than me doesn't mean he gets to be the nice parents ALL the time.

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I know Adders will be great at the physical side of parenting - teaching them things, planning activites, etc. I just hope that he'll master the emotional side of it as well, especially since it wasn't modelled to him all that much.

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As for me, well, I think I'm going to be a good mom. Strict, loving, fun and totally crazy. Which is what my mom was - and I still think she's the best.