Confessions of the Divine Miss K

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Our New Life

It’s a Sunday night. I’m feeling a tad blue as I think most of us are wont to do on Sunday evenings. But it’s strange – I don’t have school tomorrow or a job to show up for so I’m not really sure what I’m feeling down about. Maybe it’s just force of habit?

No, tomorrow I have nothing on the agenda but Ryder. My little 12lb, 5oz, red-haired, dimpled baby boy who has changed my life so completely.

We’re alone at the cabin right now, he and I, sitting in the sun room, both contemplating the evening light. He pierces the silence with his coos and grunts, and I with the clicking of the keyboard. It’s strange to be up here with him. Maybe it’s because our home is relatively new to both of us, him having only lived there two months, me three years. But this cabin, well, there are photos of me at Ryder’s age enjoying time up here. I have so many memories of playing house up here as a little girl, imagining my own future babies as I twirled around in the summer sun. And even as a teenager my mom and I would go for walks along our trusty routes and we’d talk about a future for me that would include a husband and kids and what the cabin would look like then.

And suddenly here I am, at the cottage with my own family, sitting with my baby down by the water and watching my husband do improvements to the place that my mother has always longed for.

At the time, my pregnancy seemed to go on forever. It felt like it would never end. And yet now, I’m just shocked at how suddenly my life seems to have changed. I’m a mother! How did that ever happen? And when?!

I’m trying to write down Ryder’s birth story, so that I’ll always remember the circumstances of his birth on April 22nd (my absolute denial that I was in labour, puking in my parents’ driveway, my refusal to wear clothes ever, my water literally breaking all over Adders’ shoes, the horrible c-section, and ultimately getting to hold my baby for the first time). I also need to record all the important milestones – his first smile (at my baby shower thrown by his Aunty Char, on May 29th when he was 5 weeks and 2 days old); the first time he slept 6 hours straight (two nights ago, on June 24 at exactly 9 weeks old).

And I will – I’ll write all of that down.

But tonight I just want to write down how amazing it is to finally be here – to be at the place where all of my best childhood memories are, and to at last be sharing it with my child.

Even if we’re both a little blue that it’s Sunday and Daddy’s gone back home for the week…


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