Confessions of the Divine Miss K

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Weekend Ramblings

La la la. Have no clue what to write about. Should I entertain ya'll with the joy of driving 30 minutes to work every morning via Deerfoot (poor Adders, you would die. DIE! Not b/c of the long drive but from the trillion rock chips your truck would get on there each day). Or I could recount my weird, depressing dream that I had about my parents last night which left me wanting to kill myself when my alarm went off at 7:15am (because usually I am just happy, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at that time of the day). Yeah, you guys would surely enjoy that. I mean, who doesn't like hearing about other people's dreams? GAH! Or I could explain to you that the song "Overprotected" by Britney Spears was practically written for me! I know, I know. Remember like 4 or 5 years ago when I was obsessed with "Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman" (which made both Charkins and Tamara Lee very, very nervous) until I finally had to realize that in fact I'm certainly not a girl anymore but not much of a woman either so I best be working on that? Well, even though "Overprotected" is an older (and yes, popular) song of the Britster's, it was like I was listening to it for the first time as I was driving to work this morning. Seriously, people, this is my theme song. Who knew Britney and I also had this in common (the other thing being that at respective points in each of our lives we both wanted to make sweet love to Justin Timberlake)? Anyhow, read the words - you'll be amazed:

Say hello to the girl that I am
You're gonna have to see through my perspective
I need to make mistakes just to learn who I am
And I don't wanna be so damn protected

There must be another way
'Cause I believe in taking chances
But who am I to say
What a girl is to do
God I need some answers...

What am I to do with my life?
(You will find it out don't worry)
How am I supposed to know what's right?
(You just gotta do it your way)
I can't help the way I feel
But my life has been so overprotected

I tell them what I like, what I want and what I don't
But everytime I do, I stand corrected
Things that I've been told, I can't believe what I hear about the world
I realize I'm overprotected

There! Cheesy? Yes. Dead-on? Yes. Coincidence? I think not. Britney and I are like the same person. Except it turns out that I'm way prettier, no word of a lie.

La la la! Ok, so I just phoned to see about getting 2006/07 season tickets for my boss for the Calgary Flames and Wow. There is an 1800 person waiting list. 1800 people are willing to sell their souls to go watch some hockey. Good thing that Jarome Iginla is in love with me and will see to it that I can just jump the list. Either that or I guess I'll be performing a few tricks for some Flames' owners. Oh, back off! I'm just joking with ya. I don't even know what a trick is. I'm overprotected, remember?

So how 'bout a story? You guys feel like a story today? But what story to tell. Hmmmmm. Well, maybe I'll just recount my weekend, that way Adders can go watch TV now since he already knows what happened and Charkins doesn't have to return my phone call to find out what took place.

So this past weekend I returned to Crannie and stayed at La Maison de Magro which was fan-tab-u-lous. Seriously. I got to sleep in Adders' bed which is now the equivalent of sleeping on a fluffy white cloud of goodness instead of the cardboard box on a street corner that it used to be. To be fair, it still snows in the basement, it's so freakin' cold down there but you hardly notice anymore because he now actually has blankets! Like fleeceyness! And a proper duvet cover! Adders' mom even made sure that I got to enjoy his bed with fresh, clean sheets (unlike Adders himself who was all, "Pfffft. Clean sheets. Why I never! Who needs those? Clean sheets are like clean underwear - overrated and completely unnecessary").

So yeah, staying at M de M was great because there was also food there, unlike what there would have been at my place. We enjoyed tacos, and yummy French toast and also, my very own homemade chilli. Now, not to brag or anything, but my chilli has an effect on people. In fact, Adders will have to post a comment to declare just how God-darn good my chilli was (you should have seen him chow this stuff down too. It was frightening. He snarled at me when I tried to share a container of it with him).

I also got stalked while at home. By like, the entire town of Crannie. And my brother. Why must everyone pay so much attention to me? Am I really that beautiful and fascinating? But seriously, Adders and I went to the hockey game on Friday night, practically incognito (and by that I mean I looked really hot. As in HOTT. To the point where Adders actually said, "Damn, you like fine. You clean up reeaaal nice. Too bad you don't look like this all the time." Sigh, he's so romantic and does such a great job of building up my shattered self-esteem). Anyhow, we went to the hockey, got there LATE, sat in a corner and I even hid in my seat the entire time so no one would see me, and then we ran the hell out of there afterwards.

Actually, this last part is not true. Instead, we went upstairs to the bar once the game was over and got downright pissed. Like I was so drunk I was handing out dating advice and shit. I was like Dr. Phil without the mustache or the annoying accent or the wise counsel. I even told one of Adders' friends how best to seduce his on-again/off-again girlfriend. Ha ha ha - which reminds me. You shoulda seen Adders chiming in with his two cents at this point. And I kept saying, "No, honey, he shouldn't do that. No, baby, that wouldn't be a good idea. Adders, sweetie, maybe you should stop talking now. We're talking about seduction here. Not what you should have done for Valetine's Day." And then my poor baby looked so confused and so very put out! And now he's probably very, very angry with me. Like right now he is pissed! But Adders, I'm just teasing! You're very good at seducing me. Isn't that what got us in this whole mess with my parents in the first place? ;)

ANYHOW, the point is that by the next day it was all over town that there had been a Miss Courty sighting. I am not bull shitting with you here, folks. Like, the Crannie equivalent of the paparazzi were out in full force (read: the employees at McDonalds restaurant). Frig! And Jessica-cry-me-a-freakin'-river-Simpson thinks she's got it bad.

Other weekend highlights included: being called "woman" by Adders' friend numerous times (because what every girl likes to be addressed as in 2006 is "woman"); Adders' dog Ringo scarring me with his penis. And that's all I'll say about that; having Adders say "1,2,3,4,5,6 rrrraaaaawwww" ten billion trillion times and then laughing his foolish head off while I just stared out the window and sighed, thinking, "Why, God? Why me?"; and lastly, waking up every morning and seeing Adders curled up beside me, his eyes flickering at a 100 miles/hour, a pile of drool on his pillow (or wait, was that mine?) but looking so darn cute that it made me want to stay in that bed with him forever (that is, until I smelled bacon cooking upstairs and then I was like, "Get up, bitch. Go cook me some bacon before I die! Baaaacon! Must...eat...baaaaaaacon.").

So there you have it. I had an excellent weekend with my boy-toy and I was quite tempted to drive off the road on my way back to Calgary, and I so would have if it hadn't been for Miss Tamara Lee phoning me with updates on the horrors of what certain celebrities were wearing to the Oscars. Which put it all back into perspective for me because afterall, if making fun of those who have more money and yet dress worse than me isn't worth living for, I don't know what is.

1 Comments:

  • At 2:43 PM, Blogger Charkins said…

    Nice weekend. Sounds like fun. Actually sounds like any other weekend in the life of CK: drugs, sex and chilli. And thanks for mentioning Tam-Tam, I love to hear what she's up to, in fact I think you should devote the site to her. Change the name to Tam-Tam is Fab-Fab. I vote for it.

     

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