Confessions of the Divine Miss K

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Grrrrrr Is For Angry

That sound you hear? It's me. Barking like a dog. But not in a fun and silly way, like the time I barked like a poodle for Charkins in front of the Empress Hotel (hey, Schnarks? Have I ever told you that my great-aunt killed herself in a hotel room at the Empress? Waddya mean you've already heard that story? You sure? You're telling me that I've already told you this story, start to finish, about a trillion times? Well, did you know that she did it by hanging herself? Huh? Wait, how did you know that? But still, you want to hear it again, right? Right? Fine, be that way, I HATE YOU).

So why the barking, Miss Courty, you might ask. Well, darling reader, 'tis a growl of frustration. Which leads me to today's topic. People, I have unearthed yet another nugget of truth about myself. And it is this: I don't take kindly to disappointment. "WTF?" you are probably thinking right now. NO ONE likes being disappointed. But see, where other members of society can often take disappointment in stride, such as, "Oh, the movie's already started. Oh, well. We'll just go see something else," my reaction is more often than not, "FUCK THAT SHIT! WHY DOES THE UNIVERSE HATE ME? WHY MUST YOU ALL CONSPIRE AGAINST ME? No, no! I don't care if another movie that I wanted to see is starting in 10 minutes. I don't want to see that one! Actually, I don't want to see another movie ever again. EVER! I am shunning ALL cinema for the rest of my life! EVERYTHING IS RUUUUUUUINED!"

You think I'm exaggerating. Which means you're either clearly naive ("Surely someone couldn't be that unreasonable!") or you clearly don't know me. In either case, if you want some hard-evidence, Charkins probably has that very reaction on tape somewhere (or she could just show you the physical scars from such similar outbursts) (come to think of it, Adders has probably got a couple too).

So how did I just stumble upon this discovery about myself? Because, people, I have been met by severe disappointment in the past 24 hours. SEVERE. I won't bother going into pesky details but suffice to say it involves the best laid plans being completely SKEWERED by SOMEONE'S GODDAMN BROTHER GRRRRRRRRRRROOOOWWWWL!

Please look away for a few moments as I attempt to regather my sanity

Whew. Wow. Needed to get that out. Anyhow, I was looking forward to this weekend for various reasons, most importantly because I was going to get some much needed one-on-one solo/alone time with Adders (and no, I'm not going to be cute and mischevious right now and insert a wink wink, nod nod even though make no mistake I am definitely tempted to. But that would be crude. And quite possibly too much information. Although, to be fair, that's never stopped me before. Hmmmm, so very very tempted...). At any rate, it's now all RUINED (and again, all because of someone's GODDAMN BROTHER).

And I? Am not taking kindly to this change in direction. Nope, not me. In fact, I am behaving basically the way I always do when faced with great disappointment, which is to throw an enormous temper tantrum, yell at the heavens, then at whoever else will listen, and lastly, ateempt to change things by my own force of will back to the way they were before. This method is rarely successful and usually invovlves (a) people either getting extremely frightened or greatly annoyed at me, and/or (b) me sheepishly and wearily having to make do with the way things are after having downright humiliated myself with such behaviour.

But here is the kicker, kids. See, today when I was informed by the gd-brother that I would have to change my plans, I was FURIOUS! I became blinded by my rage wherein all I could see was red, and there may even have been smoke pouring out of my nostrils. I immediately phoned Adders and shrieked, "It's all ruined! EVERYTHING! I'm throwing myself out the window as we speak. I hate life! I hate you all!" as par course. And Adders, in reply, was like, "Uhhhhhhh, come again now?" So I repeated the tale of woe and informed him that we might as well just kill ourselves since CLEARLY THE ENTIRE GALAXY IS HELL-BENT ON MAKING OUR LIVES MISERABLE FOR EVER AND EVER." And Adders again, was like, "Riiiiiiight. Well, you know, why don't you try that suicide thing. Tell me how it works out. Then get back to me and we'll see what other options might do instead."

And that was when all of the sudden it dawned on me - OH MY GOD, I AM MY MOTHER! Don't you see? The reason she went crazy two weeks ago is because suddenly she was faced with information that was quite possibly the most catacalysmically disappointing thing she had ever heard. And she couldn't bear it. She went nutty. Lost it. Succumbed. And by doing so, she wreaked havoc on many, many lives. And that's not fair. Nor is it right. I mean, it's one thing to be disappointed. But it's another thing to not be able to take disappointment in stride and deal with it like, oh I don't know, a non-psychotic person?

But here I am, well on my way to becoming just like that! I mean, if I'm losing it over weekend trysts getting messed up, how will I be able to handle the disappointment of my child not being as beautiful as me or not ever winning the Pulitzer Prize (which, between us, I am so entitled to). I need to learn to go with the flow. I need to be able to face disappointment and go, "Meh. So we'll do things differntly." Yep. That is what I need to do and that is my homework for this week (that sound you now hear is Adders going, "Oh fuck this. Yeah, I'm sure. This will last all of an hour until she's told that they're out of something on the menu"). At any rate, this is what I'm going to try and do (try being the operative word then, meaning that when I fail miserably and start hurling things at poor Adders in a fit of fury, ya'll have to be sympathetic and understanding, and say, "But at least she's trying, the poor thing!").

Yep. So that's my discovery. And I know you all are probably thinking to yourselves, "Wow. That read like an after school special. Where was she in Grade One when they taught, 'Be kind to others' and 'Don't throw hissy fits when life doesn't go exactly as planned'? Maybe you should start watching Sesame Street again, bee-atch." But still, the point is that while I may be a little old to just finally be realizing this, at least I'm catching up. Somewhat. Like a little bit. Snail's pace, if you will.

Awww, me so disappointed. Me and Mr. Snowman wanted to get it on this weekend!

Miss Courty turns over a new leaf. With the help of Smirnoff, that is.


  • At 4:19 PM, Blogger adders69 said…

    Your right I am rolling my eyes in disbelief because I'll believe it when i see it, prove it to me. Although I am proud of you for not wanting to end up like your crazy mother, thats the first step to recovery for sure. I can asure you that there is no one that would benifit more from your new ways then me.

  • At 4:34 PM, Blogger Charkins said…

    You! Like your mother?! Gah! NEVER! I. WOULD. NEVER. SAY. YOU. ARE. LIKE. YOUR. MOTHER. EVER. Execpt that maybe I'd say you are like your mother. I mean some times. Like when you don't get your own way. Or when you try to kill people. Or when you DO NOT EAT EVER (everyone say hi to Miss Ani, as in Miss Anorexic, but that's another blog). Or when you try to kill people. Did I say like when you try to kill people? Ya, cause that's a big one. Maybe next time give up trying to kill people. Espicially in the dorm rooms at Regent (aka Bible School for those trying to avoid going to bible school). Ya, you should try to stop doing that. Going to bible school and killing people. Give up both of those. In that order.

  • At 11:22 AM, Blogger Tammy-Lee said…

    Killing people??? What??? I'm so confused??? Do you all realize that I LIVE with her??? Charissa don't you think you are morally obligated to let me know that my life is in danger?!? Courts FYI: I will now be sleeping with one eye open and a heavy, blunt object under my pillow... just try me. You wanted comments, oh you're getting your comments... and this has nothing to do with the extreme paranoia that seems to be an unfortunate side effect of all of the hormones I'm absorbing. The only thing scarier that crazy Courty-loo is two crazies living under one roof and jacked up on estrogen. God save us.


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