Confessions of the Divine Miss K

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Buffy the Bitch

So I officially hate Sarah Michelle Gellar, which is weird because up until two minutes ago I had absolute NO feelings about her. I never watched Buffy but I have to give her credit for being with Freddie for so long. So really, all I felt for her was a netural sentiment. But now I'm filled with fuming, irrational hatred. I read in People magazine her following statement about motherhood: "Becoming a parent is the most selfless act, and you need to be at a point in your life where you can give up anything and everything for a child. I don't know if you know how to do that when you're in your 20s." Then her husband chimes in with the idiotic statement: "I'm so happy we didn't have kids in our 20s – I just didn't know a thing. You have so much more patience in your 30s, and I feel like I appreciate this so much more."

Like good fucking grief. I'm so happy for you that YOU were an idiot in your 20's and didn't reproduce but I'm guessing that if you had had a baby five years ago, you would have been saying the same thing, about how the timing was just right, blah blah blah. Seriously, why do celebrities talk? It's just annoying.

So why am I feeling all defensive about my age and the fact that I'm going to be a mother at the apparently tender and unknowledgeable age of 28? Well, because I think the fact of the matter is that you're never really ready for parenthood. I think you could be 50 and still crumble under the responsibility and drudgery of it all. As the saying goes, there's never a perfect time to have a baby. Do I feel like I know everything? Am I ready to give up every aspect of my life for this baby? Have I reached a level of unselfishness that will ensure I'm a great mother?

Of course not! I think those are things that you can't prepare for pre-baby and you either learn or make your peace with as you go through parenthood. Besides is it really healthy to be expected to give up anything and everything for your child? I hope not.

Or maybe I'm just projecting my guilt onto Sarah Michelle Gellar because I already feel like a mommy failure. It's just that with pregnancy there are so many rules. And so many of those rules I don't like following. I still eat raw cookie dough, even though there's uncooked eggs in it. I steal bites of Adders' cold-cut sandwiches all the time. I still eat brie cheese because, well, it's brie cheese and I simply canNOT eat it. The same goes for feta cheese. I've had many sips of wine, but that I blame on our trip to Italy. I've tried to limit my Diet Coke habit but I still have too many in a week than is probably healthy. Oh, and last night I went for a hot tub. My only one success is that I have successfully cut out all caffeine from my life, well, except for what's in the large copious amounts of chocolate I consume!

At any rate, the baby is apparently thriving and doing well, despite the fact that its mother has decided to follow her own pregnancy rules and diet. But I just can't seem to get too anal about this all. Which is weird since I'm usually, well, so anal. (That sentence seems really dirty to me).

Work is really stressful and busy right now, although my contract is drawing to a close next week. So that's my excuse for not being baby-consumed. But it's strange because I always thought when I got pregnant that I would be into researching everything (i.e. how to prevent allergies in utero, what's the best bassinet for your baby, the 10 pregnancy items you can't live without!) but I have done NONE of that. I'm not even inspired to look at baby clothes, although not knowing the sex yet really makes that a futile exercise.

I've heard the heartbeat (which was the most amazing sound in the entire universe); we've had our first ultrasound (also mind-blowing. Oh, and our child is clearly going to be a supermodel - it has the longest legs EVER; something certainly not directly inherited from either its mother or father); my belly is now showing quite noticeably and I've had to transition to maternity clothes (so deliciously comfortable!). Oh, and my boobs look fantastic. And while I haven't felt it move yet, at 14 weeks along, that should be coming up pretty quick.

But it's still hard to accept that I'm pregnant and that we're going to have a real live baby. With unemployment coming up and being left with nothing to do all day, I'm hoping my nesting instincts will quick in and I'll start feeling the inspiration to actually plan for this child.

In the meantime, as long as I keep eating my fruits and veggies and resisting those delicious bellinis and margaritas that call out to me every time I go to a restaurant, well, I have to believe that I'm still doing the best mothering I possibly can, even if I'm only following the pregnancy rules according to Miss Courty.


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