Confessions of the Divine Miss K

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Boredom: Can It Be Your Friend?

No, I'm not dead. I'm just lazy. You know when you get so bored, you become almost lethargic and don't feel like doing anything? That is what this job does to me. You'd think I would blog on a daily basis because, hello, it's something to do while I'm chained to this desk for 7 hours a day. But nope. That's simply too much work. Instead, I prefer to drink Diet Coke after Diet Coke interspersed with frequent pee breaks, staring out the window, sighing and writing extremely whiny emails to Charkins. The thrill that is my life. Can't you just feel the excitment?

Which makes me wonder - is this just what working is about? Is it supposed to be this mind-numbingly painful and boring? Unlike my previous place of employment (quick shout-out: FUCK YOU, COCKSUCKERS!), my present job actually requires that I do work (fancy that!). The problem is that the work is equivalent to watching paint dry or being forced to view an episode of "The Red Green Show" - there are no words to describe the agony that results. All I know is that I hope the rest of my life isn't spent at jobs like this, jobs that make me want to weep with misery and that slowly suck the lifeblood out of my veins.

I know, I know. I shouldn't complain. There are worse jobs. I could be a denturist, which would involve working with my hands, making piddly things, which would then result in me constructing a horrifying object that doesn't even remotely resemble a set of teeth, which would then result in a law suit when said object paralyzes a patient's mouth, which would then result in me being unemployed and broke.

Or I could be a psychology professor. Which would involve me speaking in public ON A DAILY BASIS, which would then result in me speaking faster than the speed of sound, shaking like a leaf and flapping my arms around, which would then result in my class snickering at me, which would then involve me crying in front of them, which would then involve general horror and humiliation for the entire universe.

Or I could be an employee at RBC. Which would involve, well, actually that job seems rather good. In fact, it seems to me that basically all this job involves is writing emails saying, "Ooooh, I'm so important and busy" but really eating wonton soup every day and going for facials with co-workers. Also, frequent pizza lunches. And co-workers who are as pretty as moi. Yeah, that's right, Charkins. I think you got it made in the shade with lemonade what with your food, and more food, and nice friends, and your "cheque-writing." Cha!

You know what's funny, though? Remember when I was all, "Maybe I should become a doctor?" And now, like 8 months later, I'm too lazy to even change my underwear, muchless pick up a book? Riiiight. That was craziness. That was me not living in reality. That was me being like my mother. Besides, let's not forget that I hate (a) blood; (b) humanity; (c) humanity's blood; (d) helping humanity and its blood.

I don't hate kittens though. I'd really like a kitten. And Charkins thinks I should get one. Why? Because folks I am striking out on my own. Yes, I'm moving. Back to Cranhole actually. All because Adders finally stuck a gun to my head and say, "Either you move back here or I'll kill you the next time you have a meltdown." So basically, what choice did I have?

I'm moving in to this great basement suite. Well, I hope it's great, I actually haven't seen it yet (it's all on your shoulders, Addy...). But I'm really excited; well, you know, besides the fact that I'm going to have to turn tricks in order to cover rent each month (but hey, at least I'll have something to keep me entertained when Adders goes hunting).

But yes, I am returning to my hometown, something I never thought in a ca-za-tra-million years that I'd ever do. DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU, ADAM PETER MAGRO? HUH? DO YOU???!!!!

Adders and I are hoping that despite the fact that my move will result in me being closer to the epicentre of all that is stressful and insane in my life right now (read: my mother), it will nevertheless improve my general well-being overall. That's what we're hoping. Frankly, I have my doubts and think that the focus of my meltdowns will simply change from "Why don't you love me?!" and "I'm leaving, I hate you, but I love you and I don't want to leave and why aren't you stopping me?" and "Why don't you love me?" to "Oh, my God, why don't you EVER pick up your pants?" and "For God's sake, turn off the tap while you're brushing your teeth" and "Wow, are those dishes going to wash themselves?" and "Whaddya mean you're not spending the night here tonight? What do you mean you want a break from me? How dare you! I am sooooo NOT like Monica from Friends!" But hey, let's be optimistic, shall we?!

Anyhow, the deal is that I'm moving back on June 29 (come faster, June 29th! Faster, I say!) and will likely be working at the law firm I was the receptionist at for my summers in between university terms. Which means that my job boredom shows no signs of waning.

How do people get jobs they love? How? I mean, I did everything right, no? I went to a fantastic university, studied my ass off and yet here I am at 24 going back to be a goddamned receptionist. Universe, I hate you. Hate you so very much.

Wow, do you realize that there is absolutely no rhyme or reason to anything in this entry? Like, there is simply NO POINT to what I'm writing. Basically I'm just trying to whittle the minutes down to 4:30pm when I can leave and head off to my slaughter at my Grandma's (wherein she and Naron* will give me their two cents on what I should be doing with my life. Looking forward to that, because God only knows how much I want my family's opinion on my life choices at this point).

*Naron is the equivalent to Bennifer for my bro & his wife. But ya'll probably got that without me having to explain. I'm just pedantic that way.

Actually, I am entering into a complete week of suckage. For not only do I have to go to this completely painful dinner tonight, but this weekend, I am also meeting with:

(Cue scary music. I'd prefer the Darth Vader music from Star Wars. But if not, any general scary music will do. Should be truly frightening though. Ominous too).


AAAAAAUUUGH! I know! Scary, huh? It's taking place on Saturday. And since ya'll know the whole long sob story that has gotten us to this point, I won't bother repeating it. Let's just say that a meeting is taking place, I'm the one who arranged it, and I am quite possibly the BIGGEST PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE (I mean that figuratively. As in, I'm the bigger person in this relationship. Did you get that? Or was the metaphor too vague? Can I even consider that to be a metaphor? I have to pee).

I am not looking forward to this meeting but at best I will leave having a new relationship with my mom, a relationship with new boundaries and new respect. At worst, I will leave with one helluva story to blog about. See? I can be optimistic, finding the bright side in all situations!

But the week of suckage doesn't stop there. Oh, no. That's because I have TWO job interviews this weekend, and like the majority of the world's population, I despise job interviews. It doesn't help matters that I have been to 275,390 of them since January of this year. But whatever, I'm a trooper.

So yeah, that's all my news. I was also going to post about how I'm supposed to be saving money and yet I can't seem to stop buying things and I realize now that I have a big bad problem which is going to become a MONSTROUS problem when I'm making next to nothing this summer and having to pay New York City-like rent for my apartment. But, fuck, I did need the eye cream I bought today. And since I'm allergic to my mascara, I needed a new one of that too. And ok, so maybe I didn't need the new People magazine. But as the former-official-number-one-Brad-Pitt-fan-on-planet-earth I felt somewhat compelled to pick up this week's issue. I know, I'm bad, Addy. No need to yell at me. And I swear, the spending stops here. As in right after I buy some pretty things for my new apartment!

Oh, look! It's 4:20pm. If I go drag out my pee break, it'll be time to go. Well, kids, I'll write again soon. It's been a dream.


  • At 8:02 AM, Blogger Charkins said…


  • At 4:56 PM, Blogger adders69 said…

    Soooo hows it goin??? Sooo ah you didn't really mean what you said right? I mean you do change your underwear sometimes don't you?? No not really? uh. And if that the case I would prefer no underwear at all, Alright, gigiti gigiti!!! but anyways ya regardless there will be a very jucy story on saturday, oh what a glorious day. ok I think the no underwear thing is just too much, its too much for me to think about!!


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